


heart of gold, heart of glass

by typewritings



Series: P.S. post-script [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: (it was going to be light angst and then the story ran from me and... idk), Angst, Bittersweet, Gen, Loveater Spoilers, marinette deserves the world, mild spoilers tho (imo), no beta i am my own beta and we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 05:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21030905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/typewritings/pseuds/typewritings
Summary: Marinette thinks, if she were ever to lose the two most important boys in her life to someone else, she doesn't mind if that someone else is Kagami.





	heart of gold, heart of glass

Marinette is in love with Adrien.

She is so in love with him that she cannot usually string two words together around him, that she cannot think before she acts as she usually does. She loves him enough to let him believe a lie, if only it’ll make him happy. She loves him enough that she’ll do anything to guarantee his happiness.

Ladybug loves Chat Noir.

She loves her partner and cherishes him so much it’s a wonder her heart has not burst from all her affection for him yet. She enjoys spending time with him and the puns he makes, despite not being the right time, and mourns their lack of free time to simply hang out together.

It’s funny, Marinette finds, how easy it is for Marinette to talk and laugh with Adrien when she’s Ladybug, and how easy it is for Ladybug to enjoy Chat Noir’s jokes and presence when she’s Marinette. It’s heartbreaking, Marinette realizes, how she cannot give each boy what they want, because the other boy in her life has it.

Ladybug cannot give her heart to Chat Noir, as Marinette’s heart belongs to Adrien.

Marinette cannot give Adrien the world, as Paris belongs to Chat Noir and Ladybug.

That’s a loss she’s learned to live with.

Marinette thinks, if she were ever to lose the two most important boys in her life to someone else, she doesn’t mind if that someone else is Kagami.

Kagami is an amazing friend. She’s loyal and strong. Cool and cute. Though cold and awkward at first, it's hard not to like her after getting to know her more. She’s kind in her own way, ambitious and determined. She knows what she wants and she’s not afraid to go for it.

Marinette knows she has her own strengths, but sometimes, it feels like she can't measure up to the other girl. And it’s fine, she supposes. Everyone is different. But her heart hurts all the same.

Because Kagami likes Adrien, and if Adrien likes her back, knowing how amazing the two of them are, and how well they could fit, who is she to try and get between the two of them?

Marinette can take a loss. It’s fine. She’ll be alright. Loss is a natural part of life. Just because she’s lost one thing doesn’t mean she’ll lose the rest of her stuff.

Still, with the loss of her crush to her friend fresh in her mind, Ladybug thinks she can forgive Marinette for letting a bit of herself seep through her superhero persona and be petty when she hands the miraculous to Kagami.

_They’ll have all the time in the world to be together after the attack_, Ladybug reasons as she snatches Kagami from Adrien as they’re sharing a moment (Marinette’s not ready to move on, she’s not ready to let him go yet), _this interruption is nothing compared to all that they’ll have in the future._

“I don’t want to hurt Marinette,” Kagami tells the girl she thinks is Ladybug, but who is Marinette, “but I can’t give up on Adrien for the sake of friendship. He and I are made for each other.”

Marinette is envious and hurt and touched at the same time. Marinette envies how certain Kagami’s words are, how sure of herself she sounds. She wants that confidence. Ladybug has that confidence. Marinette does not.

However, learning that Kagami is willing to throw away their friendship for a boy feels like a stab to her heart. Granted, liking the same boy might bring up difficulties, but it isn’t as if they can’t work it out.

She can tell how much her friendship means to Kagami, and she reciprocates that feeling. She too, does not want to hurt Kagami, and she too, likes Adrien. But before her feelings and before her friendship with Kagami comes Adrien’s happiness.

(That’s why she tries to do what should be the right thing and what might make Adrien most happy. That’s why she chooses their flavours and leaves them alone.)

But this isn’t the time to brood in self-pity, and Ladybug can't let herself be vulnerable, so she pushes the issue (—pushes Marinette) aside and pretends not to notice that her world is falling apart.

It’s only one loss (or maybe two). She can live with that.

And yet.

When Chat Noir compliments Ryuuko (—_Kagami_, Marinette thinks—) as soon as he joins them, Ladybug can't help but feel a bit unsettled. It's as if the world has tilted slightly, just barely not to show any difference, but enough for Marinette to feel it.

And does she feel it.

When he calls her ‘Ladybug’ instead of ‘my lady,’ a part of her breaks.

_Oh_, she thinks as she stares at his face, at his cocky smile, his bright mischievous eyes, as he prattles on about her possible jealousy (and, _oh, kitty_, it isn't jealousy), _I’m losing him too._

_I’m losing him to Ryuuko (Kagami)._

But Marinette has no reason to bring her emotions to the table when she’s fighting akumas, so Ladybug takes a deep breath, closes off her heart, and turns to concentrate on the battle.

When the battle ends all too soon, all too unexpectedly, Marinette’s almost reluctant to take the miraculous back from Kagami, because she knows where (to who) the other girl is headed. But Ladybug has a job to do, so she smiles and endures and thanks her for her help. Ladybug takes back the miraculous and looks for Master Fu, feels her gut drop when she doesn’t find him.

If only she had been a little less Marinette at that time, she thinks. A little less Marinette, a little more Ladybug, then maybe none of this would've happened.

The burden of the world feels heavy on her shoulders.

Her world crumbles just a little more again.

“No,” she breathes, as she falls to her knees.

Marinette is dealing with enough losses today. Ladybug is losing just as much.

She cannot lose the boy she’s in love with, the boy she loves, a girl whose friendship she’s only starting to nurture, _and_ the mentor who’s been there for her when she had no one else to turn to.

Both Marinette and Ladybug are falling, falling, falling, but Ladybug cannot give up, she cannot be weak, so she grabs her yo-yo, and pulls herself out of the mess.

Ladybug saves the day, as she usually does, and wins back one of her losses. She smiles for Paris, and pretends there is not a gaping hole where her heart used to be, because Paris has no need for an irresponsible and broken hero, so she hides all her imperfections (she hides Marinette).

Ladybug may always win as she’s a hero, but Marinette is a normal girl, and she cannot always win.

She loses, when she walks away from Adrien and Kagami, leaving the two alone.

She loses, when Chat Noir grins at Ryuuko and doesn’t call Ladybug his lady.

Marinette loses the two most important boys in her life to someone else.

Ladybug thinks that of all people to lose to, Kagami isn’t the worst. If it’s Kagami, Ladybug thinks, she can be trusted. Kagami can take care of her boys.

Marinette thinks, of all people to lose to, she’d have preferred to not lose at all.

“You win some, you lose some,” Master Fu once told her over a cup of tea. “Sometimes, it’s better to let go than to hold on.”

Marinette isn’t ready to let go. In fact, she doesn’t think she’ll ever be ready. Ladybug, on the other hand, will do anything to avoid being held back. But she has no power over these feelings.

_Perhaps it’s time_, Marinette thinks. _I’ve held on long enough._

It’s easily the hardest thing Marinette has ever had to do. Usually, she leaves the difficult stuff to Ladybug. But this time, she has to do it herself.

So she takes a deep breath—

> _“Are you_ jealous _of Ryuuko?” Chat Noir asks her, sounding almost gleeful._
> 
> No, kitty, _Marinette thinks_, it's not jealousy; it's fear.
> 
> I’m afraid of losing you.

—and she lets go.

She takes another shuddering breath, ignores the tears that slide on her cheeks—

> _“Your hair looks beautiful,” Kagami says affectionately._
> 
> _Adrien turns to look at her, his fingers never stopping on the piano, and a soft smile overtakes his face. “She’s right.”_
> 
> _Marinette looks down, touches her hair self-consciously. Smiles and blushes._

—and she gives up.

And immediately, she wants to snatch them back. She doesn’t want to let go, doesn’t want to lose what she’s always had, doesn’t want to entrust the boy she’s in love with and the boy she loves to a girl she’s befriended.

But for the first time in a while, despite the tear tracks on her cheeks, her runny nose, and her puffy eyes, Marinette feels light. Ladybug feels as if she can fly again, her shoulders noticeably lighter now.

“Sacrifices must be made sometimes,” Tikki whispers, and she looks just as heartbroken as Marinette.

Marinette runs into Luka as she leaves the park, and finds him noticeably concerned as he looks over her. But her eyes are bright (though a bit teary), and her smile is genuine (though short-lived), and she wonders if he can hear her broken heart’s attempts to sing again.

“Are you okay, Marinette?”

She must look like a mess, she realizes. But she can’t bring herself to care right now.

Marinette answers him. “No,” she tells him honestly and she nearly cracks again, remembering, yearning to go back and hold onto what she’d just released. But she steels herself, and lets a bit of Ladybug seep through. “But I will be.”

Because experiencing loss is a part of life, and while Marinette had everything to lose, she hasn’t lost all of it.

“I’ll be fine,” Ladybug says, and Marinette believes her.

**Author's Note:**

> im gonna be more active on this acc now (bcus the other acc i was using it more fandom specific and not ml.. but i wanted the username w/o brackets) so get ready to see me around :v
> 
> loveater gave me a lot of feelings and most of them come from marinette breaking down at the end, i'm dying guys. so this came out of it and i hope this wasn't too.. bittersweet.. and it might.. not be. (bcus of course my second work here is ALSO bittersweet) 
> 
> does the ending feel rushed or is that just me? (also guys.. miracle queen coming thru soon.. im yell)
> 
> yell at me, here or tumblr!
> 
> tumblr | [@typowritings](https://typowritings.tumblr.com/)  
reblog link | [x](https://typowritings.tumblr.com/post/188345330774/heart-of-gold-heart-of-glass-typewritings)


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